When I wrote these words last night, tears stung my eyes, which surprised me a little. I have broken up with a lot of habits and ended quite a few cycles in the last eighteen months. It didn’t happen all at once. I have not so simply picked one thing at a time and done my best to unlearn it. It has been quite the process. There has been a great deal of loss as I have examined patterns and held myself accountable for the ways my choices kept me distant from myself for a really long time.
It is incredibly easy to blame other people, attempt to control situations, numb feelings or people please our way into a rut. Owning our behavior and making tough decisions is part of transformation. Doing the work is not always fun. It can even be brutal sometimes. But nothing is worse than remaining emotionally, physically, spiritually or mentally stuck somewhere you don’t belong. Impulsive fixes can be so self-destructive. No matter where you go there you are. You can run but you cannot outrun yourself. Sometimes it’s the habits, the poor communication, the behavior, the thinking that needs to go.
I want to encourage you like crazy. Sometimes the person that needs you most is you. That doesn’t mean you have to run away and abandon everything you know to get to the other side. I always discourage that. I believe in working from the inside out. Maybe it’s time to break up with something that is making you feel crummy and simply sit with how it makes you feel. You know that thing you have been ignoring and arguing with in your head. That thing that is bringing a lot of stress, negative self-talk and little peace. Maybe you need to let go of comparison, stop obsessing over your diet and weight, take a break from a negative influence, edit your social media accounts, stop silencing yourself, put away the Chardonnay, the gossip, the self-judgement, the credit card, the need to win, the cell phone, the excuses, the complaining and go your own way. You will likely miss whatever you set down. Habits are so hard to let go of even the ones that are toxic. You might feel lonely or left out. You might not feel supported. You might get real uncomfortable. But you will learn something and you will gain some clarity and awareness of you remain consistent.
It’s like a 30 day life detox. It does not have to be forever. It’s just a “one thing at a time” experiment. A reboot. You are grown. You can do it. You only need your own permission. Talk to your tribe and ask them to support you even if they don’t understand. It’s not about them. You don’t have to apologize for doing something different. And communicate. This is essential and for some of us the hardest part. Use your words. Even if your voice trembles, your throat feels tight and your face turns red. Use. Your. Words. You can’t muscle through your work in silence. Leveling up and growing requires new ways of being. The return is so worth it. Brave the change. Choose you.