There are days when so many things feel overwhelming, I am ate up with insecurity and my mind feels like a 13 year old bully is throwing a fit and running the show. In those moments I want to be anyone but me. I can think of a billion reasons why nothing is right and convince myself that moving to a new state, living in an isolated farmhouse with zero technology and growing my own food seems like the only path to sanity. These moments are fleeting but they are real. I feel them in my bones and I just want to run as far away as possible. And then I wake up to the dramatics of it all, roll my eyes and remind myself…no matter where you go there you are.
We all have days. Sometimes those days weave themselves into weeks, months and years. Sometimes it’s the circumstances that stink. Sometimes it’s our thinking that stinks. And sometimes it’s both. And we want it fixed now. We want to feel anything but what we are feeling and we start reaching. I have stopped believing in quick fixes because they always work from the outside in. They are wrapped in promises and shiny packages. I have spent thousands and thousands of dollars trying to fix the outside when it was the inside that was in disarray. It has taken me longer than I want to admit to figure that out. If the world around us can keep us fixated on changing our outsides and comparing our lives to our sisters, it can prevent us from knowing our power. From having the time, energy and focus to examine our thoughts, see what’s really happening and unlearn the foolishness. This internal war can begin at a very young age and last a lifetime.
Who would we even be if we stopped believing the lies, dug into what is true and real and gave ourselves permission to live a brand new story? We would still be human. We would still have days that seem overwhelming. And we would also learn to trust that we are free to be ourselves. This is accessible to all of us. You won’t see it advertised on tv, sold in Sephora, in a bottle of Prosecco or promoted in Times Square. You will only find it within. And even as you engage in this uncomfortable, imperfect work you will still be human and have days where you just want everything to stop. Where nothing is going your way and it seems like it’s everyone else’s fault. And as you work through the murky discomfort of awkwardly being yourself you get stronger. You notice that you bounce back from self-doubt, disappointment and unmet expectations quicker. Being ourselves is so much more beautiful than the world has led us to believe. Perhaps it’s time to brave the change.